Motivational Speaker and Inspirational Blogger Michael J Russ Offers 3 Tips For Healing After a Divorce.

Being twice divorced, what I know from experience is that it’s absolutely possible to perceive this event in a way that enables you to let go of the past and begin again, without dragging negative feelings and emotions along with you. Here are three tips that can help you transition through the process in a positive way that allows for a greater sense of control.

Be acutely aware of how you perceive your divorce.

As they say, perception is everything. What they don’t tell you is that perception is a choice you make in every moment. How you perceive yourself in the midst of a divorce colors your thoughts, actions, and responses. Seeing your divorce as simply one of many life events will take you down an emotional path that is much more palatable than if you viewed it as the end of the world or the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Your goal should be to transition through divorce, like any life event, with your energy, authenticity, dignity, and personal power fully intact.

Resist the temptation to step into the role of victim.

When your partner is filing for divorce, it’s easy to slip into the role of victim. Resist assuming this role with every fiber of your being. As a victim, you give away your power and control. Plus, it’s an express route to the dark side, where negative feelings and emotions compound, resentment and bitterness build, and you become blind to the concept of letting go and moving on. As a victim, you also become an emotional puppet who experiences intense negative feelings and emotions that lead to suffering, anxiety, anger, frustration, and distress, each time your future ex-partner says or does something.

You will never have control over the thoughts and actions of another person. When presented with challenging life circumstances, your best course of action is to focus on what you can control, instead of what you cannot, as quickly as possible. In fact, you should make it your sole mission to remain fully aware of your ability to make this choice.

Keep your self-talk moving in a positive direction.

Self-talk is what you think and say about you, both in your head and in conversation with others. In the throes of a divorce, it’s important to gauge the direction of your self-talk. If you put yourself down, focus on regrets, tell yourself you will never find love again, or think and say you will never be able to recover from what is happening, you have issues with your self-talk that must be addressed.

The first step to turning things around is to assess the direction of your self-talk---supportive or unsupportive. Once you make this determination, you can change it, or at the very least, just stop it from heading in a negative direction. One of the pledges I would ask you to make is to stop saying anything negative about yourself, even as a joke.

The second step is to shift your self-talk into a positive and supportive direction. Simple comments like, I am getting through this or anything is possible when I support myself, when said repeatedly in moments of self-doubt, have the power to turn the tide in a positive direction.

After finalizing things, become intimately aware of thought viruses you might be harboring about divorce. A thought virus is a negative belief or perception that you adopt as your own. Examples would be, I am damaged goods or starting over again is going to be tough. When you remain positive in the face of the most challenging relationship separation or life situation, it can open the door to unimaginable possibilities and miracles.

In the face of divorce, you can choose to be positive instead of negative, live without the experience of adversity, and remain committed to your personal happiness, regardless of the circumstances you face. Adopting this mindset generates energy and self-confidence, while also creating space for healing, creativity, forgiveness, love, passion, letting go of the past, and moving on.