Author Boyd Lemon Reveals the Secret to a Happier Life

It is possible sometimes to will oneself to be happy by mind control. After all, happiness is a state of mind. It is totally in the mind, not out there somewhere. What makes a person unhappy is not external, such as what other people say or do or the situation one is in. Happiness and unhappiness are one’s feelings; to a large extent, everyone has some  control over what they feel. If people can control their minds, they can control my happiness––not 100 percent of the time, but they can exert some control. That we can use our minds to help make ourselves happier is a life-changing concept, even if we sometimes fail.

If a person becomes angry, sad, frustrated, jealous, envious, lonely or inadequate, or experiences any negative feeling, they should try to think of things that make them happy and to put a positive spin on things that made them sad. It doesn’t work perfectly, but it is a powerful tool. For example, Joe feels sad and lonely one Saturday night, alone with no prospects of changing his situation. He couldn’t will a beautiful blond to knock on his door or a dear friend to drop by. But there are things he could do with his mind to neutralize his feelings.

He could make a list (mental or written) of ten things he was grateful for—for example, a filet mignon in the fridge he could barbeque to go with an artichoke and a glass of his favorite Cabernet Sauvignon that night, four wonderful children, one of whom lived only two blocks away, the beach within walking distance, plenty of leisure time, a trip to the desert the next weekend, good health, a beautiful view of the sunset over the Marina and the ocean beyond, and so on.

It has been said that the greatest of all human emotions is gratitude. As in meditation, focus on each blessing for a few minutes and purge the mind of those thoughts of sadness and loneliness. Focusing on what one has to be grateful for creates positive happy feelings. After Joe focused on what he had to be grateful for, he could create a new sauce for the artichoke. Guaranteed––he would feel much better after this exercise.

Think about everything you have to be grateful for, a

If someone else is responsible for something he was grateful for, he should express his gratitude––call or send an email. They, of course, will react positively, and it would make Joe feel wonderful.

In her marvelous book, The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky, writes of an instance in which she wrote an email to her Department Chair thanking him for something he had done for her with a copy to her Department colleagues. In turn, he expressed his gratitude. Both felt exhilarated. These exchanges take place every day, but not often enough in the lives of many people. To many, expressing such gratitude as a means of making one happier is not apparent.

Another technique of mind control to try if happy thoughts don’t work is the opposite. Focus on the negative thought, how it makes one feel, and really feel it. Eliminate resistance to the negative thought, feel the loneliness or whatever it is. Sometimes, when one does that, after awhile, the feeling just goes away, as if the body needed to feel it. Once the body is given what it needed, the feeling dissipates.

In her book Lyubomirsky discusses an extensive study which shows that for the subjects studied, 40 percent of the differences among their happiness levels was determined by their thoughts and acts; 50 percent was genetically determined, that is, you start with a set point of a certain degree of happiness. The most shocking result was that only 10 percent of the differences in happiness levels were caused by circumstances or situation. Obviously, one can’t do anything about the part of one’s happiness level that is determined by genetics, but he can do something about his thoughts and acts, which account for 40 percent. It is truly exciting to think that only 10% of a person’s chances at happiness are caused by the circumstances or situation in which she finds herself. That explains why money and material things do not bring happiness, and that people without much money or material goods can be happy. Moreover, it means that a person can make herself happier by thoughts and acts.What does one have to think and do to be happier?

Lyubomirsky’s extensive research reveals what the happiest people think and do:

• They devote a great amount of time to their family and friends, nurturing and enjoying those relationships.

• They often express gratitude for all they have.

• They are often the first to offer help to coworkers,friends and passersby.

• They practice optimism when imagining their futures.

• They try to live in the present moment.

• They make physical exercise a regular practice.

• They are deeply committed to something.

• They have challenges, as we all do, but they show poise and strength in coping in the face of the challenge.

Try it! It works!