When the romance fades, a marriage can fade with it, so keeping a relationship strong requires that both partners be open and honest in their communication. Distortions in communication can infect every aspect of a marriage. With the right tools, a better communication strategy can help heal a failing relationship and renew the emotional openness and physical closeness that attracted many couples to each other in the first place.
For over 30 years, social worker Marilyn Stevens has specialized in a wide range of mental health areas. She’s devoted the last 10 years primarily to couples therapy through her practice ConnectEd PAIRS (http://www.connectedpairs.com), where she and her husband Matt offer counseling, workshops and retreats to demonstrate effective communication skills for marriage improvement.
“We both have a passion for this,” says Stevens. “We teach couples to communicate more effectively about difficult topics: money, kids, sex and in-laws. You need to talk about these subjects openly with one another.”
According to Stevens, the best time to intervene is six months to two years after the marriage. The chemistry subsides about two years after the wedding, but research indicates most couples don’t reach out for counseling until six years after a problem begins. By then the anger and resentment have accumulated; it becomes an uphill challenge to repair.
It’s Stevens’ hope to reach these couples early. They’ve been successful. This early intervention has become all the more important and available with the rise of social technology, which presents a whole new set of challenges and opportunities for couples.
“It’s difficult to gauge when you’re stepping outside the appropriate boundaries of your marriage,” explains Stevens. “We start our work with couples with an on-line inventory. This gives us information about their communication, their conflict resolution, money, kids, sex. Before I even meet them I already have an idea what their strengths and weaknesses are.”
The final challenge, says Stevens, is getting both partners committed. It’s often difficult for men to step into the counseling office, unless it’s reached the emergency stage. ConnectEdPAIRS offers unique approaches for men to engage in marriage improvement. As a former minister, Matt brings extensive experience working with young couples and is better able to relate to the men while assisting his wife in modeling the skills. He often refers to himself as “The Token Male.
“The skills we teach have been effective in our own relationship,” says Stevens. “We have an investment in seeing other couples make it last.”
Close-Up Talk Radio will feature Marilyn Stevens in a two-part interview with Doug Llewelyn on May 3rd at 6pm EST and with Jim Masters on May 10th at 6pm EST.
Listen to the show www.blogtalkradio.com/closeuptalkradio. If you have a question for our guest, call (347) 996-3389.
For more information on Marilyn Stevens, visit http://www.connectedpairs.com.
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