Each individual brings to a relationship their own needs for closeness and attachment. When these needs are not met, however, and attachment is uncertain, a partner may express these unmet needs often at the risk of damaging their relationship permanently and sabotaging their needs for closeness.
Don Bissett is a licensed professional marriage and family counselor and an expert in emotionally focused therapy. First developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, emotionally focused therapy (or EFT) is founded on the principles of attachment theory, which states that our emotions are connected to our most essential needs. As a result, emotions are innately adaptive in guiding us toward meeting those needs.
“The symptoms of a problematic relationship in the present were once solutions to a problem in the past,” explains Bissett. “The symptom is always a solution but it’s a solution that’s outlived its usefulness.”
Through EFT, couples are taught to better manage their emotional experiences and strengthen their bonds of attachment. Strong attachment bonds means the couple can feel safe together and can count on one another to face conflict with communication and problem solving. In session, Bissett establishes a therapeutic alliance with both members of the couple by listening carefully and offering understanding and appreciation for what they’re saying.
“In all my years of practicing therapy, I’ve never seen a modality that is more effective than emotionally focused therapy,” says Bissett. “As they say: ‘The rocks in his head fit the holes in hers.’ It’s always two people. But there is also a third party in the room: the relationship. A couple has to care for that third party.”
According to Bissett, over 90 percent of couples treated with EFT have described their relationship as “significantly improved.” He says it’s often simply a matter of learning to better appreciate your partner’s experience.
“My goal is for couples to find an emotional balance and a secure attachment. When they find that, it’s a life changing event for them. They can create a home that is a wonderful environment for their children.” says Bissett. “I’m proud of the relationships I’ve helped restore.”
Close-Up Talk Radio will feature Don Bissett in an interview with Jim Masters on September 20th at 12pm.
Listen to the show www.blogtalkradio.com/closeuptalkradio. If you have a question for our guest, call (347) 996-3389.
For more information on Don Bissett, or to schedule a free consultation, visit www.couples-counseling-vail.com.
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